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Being a bridesmaid is such a gift. Your friend is choosing you to be a crucial part of one of the biggest days of their life. Not only does the bridesmaid title come with a few important duties — like planning a killer bachelorette party and bridal shower — but you’re also officially joining a bride tribe. Even if you’ve just met this group of people, you will likely become fast friends over the next few months.

Nowadays to become a BFF’s bridesmaid is more than just a casual text or phone call. The veritable Instagram frenzy is (typically) complete with a mini bottle of Champagne, a heartfelt card, and a small token of individualized love from the bride-to-be—not to mention tears galore. But once the confetti has settled, you’ve locked yourself into bridesmaid duties aplenty right up until your bride says “I do”—and it could end up being a lot more work than you originally bargained for. Here’s what they don’t tell you about agreeing to become a bridesmaid.

Everything becomes a mini celebration

From wedding dress hunting to cake tastings to color scheme discussions, everything becomes its own mini celebration. A “casual drink” after finding the perfect bridesmaid dress will often lead to a “quick bite,” which will often lead to a few bottles of Champagne and dragging yourself home in an Uber at 1 a.m. Take control of your own time and set hard limits for what you can and can’t commit to. Even though you might feel a bit of FOMO, you’re not a bad friend for saying no.