What They Dont Tell You About Being a Bridesmaid

Courtesy Vogue.com

Being a bridesmaid is such a gift. Your friend is choosing you to be a crucial part of one of the biggest days of their life. Not only does the bridesmaid title come with a few important duties — like planning a killer bachelorette party and bridal shower — but you’re also officially joining a bride tribe. Even if you’ve just met this group of people, you will likely become fast friends over the next few months.

Nowadays to become a BFF’s bridesmaid is more than just a casual text or phone call. The veritable Instagram frenzy is (typically) complete with a mini bottle of Champagne, a heartfelt card, and a small token of individualized love from the bride-to-be—not to mention tears galore. But once the confetti has settled, you’ve locked yourself into bridesmaid duties aplenty right up until your bride says “I do”—and it could end up being a lot more work than you originally bargained for. Here’s what they don’t tell you about agreeing to become a bridesmaid.

Everything becomes a mini celebration

From wedding dress hunting to cake tastings to color scheme discussions, everything becomes its own mini celebration. A “casual drink” after finding the perfect bridesmaid dress will often lead to a “quick bite,” which will often lead to a few bottles of Champagne and dragging yourself home in an Uber at 1 a.m. Take control of your own time and set hard limits for what you can and can’t commit to. Even though you might feel a bit of FOMO, you’re not a bad friend for saying no.

Get ready to spend, spend, spend

While it’s common knowledge that agreeing to become a bridesmaid can be pricey, be prepared to have more than a few uncomfortable conversations about the bill. Depending on your bride’s budget for the wedding—and whether or not she and her future hubby are covering all costs on their own—you could be stuck with paying for everything under the marital sun (we’re talking dress, shoes, hair, makeup, hotel, transportation, the works). Even though talking finances can be awkward at best, force a frank discussion about what the bridal party is expected to cover. If your purse strings are too tight, ask about wiggle room. Chances are, nobody is looking at your shoes on the wedding day (especially when it comes to floor-length gowns), and at least one member of your bridal squad can work a curling iron.

The bachelorette party and bridal shower are on you—and are a lot of work

Sure, the maid of honor is supposed to take the bachelorette party and bridal shower reins, but more often than not, she’ll come knocking on your door for help. Typically, the bridal party will all chip in a predetermined amount of money toward activities, decorations, snacks, and alcohol, with each member signing up for specific duties to ensure both events run smoothly. For brides with a larger social circle, get started on the bachelorette party planning early (especially when traveling to another city!), and opt for a loosely structured itinerary around major activities like cocktail-making classes or manicures. For the shower, a classic high tea in the afternoon will seriously cut costs—and you can never go wrong with a mini mimosa.

You’ll see sides of your bride you didn’t know she had

There will be tiffs—lots of them. Even if your bride-to-be is the most calm, cool, and collected girlfriend in your social circle, it’s important to remember the significance of her wedding day—not to mention the monumental life events leading up to it. For all of your bridesmaid duties, the bride-to-be has 10 times the amount of work—and oftentimes 10 times the amount of stress. Even if you’re dealing with a bridezilla, try to see the day from her perspective and cut her a bit of slack. Remember: She chose you to be a part of her bridal party because you’re one of the most important people in her life. Take your responsibility seriously and put on a smile—even if you’re at odds with the bride.

You need to know logistics—all of them

When does the ceremony start? What time do we need to arrive at the venue? Where is the hotel? Even though most modern-day couples will build a wedding website mapping out the day’s logistics, be prepared to field all questions from your friends leading up to “I do.” Remember: The bride doesn’t need more stress on her wedding day, so a fully charged phone and a laundry list of answers to commonly asked wedding questions will go a long way.

Above all else: Cherish this time with your best friends! Weddings are (hopefully) a once-in-a-lifetime affair, so your days as a bridesmaid are numbered.